The Two Things You Crave the Most: Part 3
Intimacy and Influence - Part 3
By Brian Phipps
In Part I and Part II of this series, I shared how two questions haunted me in middle school and how the answers I chose for them impacted my young adult life negatively. The questions were:
Question 1: Will people like me?
Question 2: Will I ever be good at something?
I also shared how a version of these questions affects everyone at some level because God created us to experience selfless intimacy (the ability to love & be loved) and influence (partnering with God to make earth more like heaven).
A Third Question
Here, I suggest a third question to guide your answers to the first two: Will you allow your longings for intimacy and influence to drive you to Jesus, now and for the rest of your life?
You need to go to Jesus because He loves you unconditionally. You must go to Jesus because He values you so much that He traded His life for yours when He died on the cross to forgive your sins. These truths are the foundation of a Fully Alive life!
You need to go back to Jesus for the rest of your life because He wants you to build a flourishing, Fully Alive life on that foundation. Jesus loves you so you can grow in your ability to love and be loved unconditionally. Jesus values you so you can recognize and grow into the value you will add to a world in need.
In other words, Jesus' love will make you more lovable as you grow in intimacy. Jesus’ investment in you makes you more valuable as you grow in influence. Is this the kind of life you want to live?
If so, here are the top three insights I gleaned about living Fully Alive in the decades of healing and discipleship that followed my young adult years. Each insight required a small shift in perspective that led to an enormous change in my pursuit of true and holy intimacy and influence.
Insight #1: Bearing Fruit is Better than Behavior Modification
Many believe the best way to be more like Jesus is to try being more like Jesus. The motive is correct, but the strategy is wrong, or rather, not sustainable.
Many try to be patient. Many try to be self-controlled. Trying can produce short-term results but often gives way to frustration and disillusionment. Jesus invites you to stop trying and start abiding. He said, “Abide in me, and you WILL bear good fruit.”
How can you abide with Jesus? Begin with the spiritual habit of Bible engagement. Simply read a chapter of the Bible a day and listen for the one thing Jesus wants to teach you. When you know what that is, ask Him, “What do you want me to do today with what you taught me?” Record your “I Believe” & “I Will” statements in a journal, and share them with at least two friends to receive their support. This is one of the surest ways of abiding in Jesus. You will produce the long-term fruit you long for as you obey the promptings He gives you.
Insight #2: Building Jesus’ Kingdom is Better Than Securing My Kingdom
We all have criteria we use to make major life decisions like, “What house should we buy? What job should I take? How early do I want to retire?” What criteria do you use? If you want to live Fully Alive, prioritizing Jesus’ kingdom over your own is vital.
My life is marked by three career decisions that felt like “downward mobility” at the time. Each of those decisions, however, has been a critical step to a life of greater influence. I used the following criteria to make each of those decisions:
Which option has greater potential for building Jesus’ Kingdom?
Which option helps me best provide for my family?
Which option do I feel Jesus is leading me to take?
I would share these criteria with my wife, kids, and a few trusted friends, inviting them to fast and pray with me. The key to these criteria is the weighted focus on Jesus and His kingdom. In Matthew 6:33, Jesus essentially says, “If you put my kingdom first, I will take care of everything you need.” It is a matter of priority, and Jesus wants to be yours.
Insight #3: Being the Church Is Better Than Going to Church
In Ephesians 4, Paul shares the vision of Jesus’ church, which is leaders perpetually empowering other followers to engage in their “works of service, so that the body of Christ may be built up.” Going to church is great. But, if “going” to church is the primary goal, then your sights are set too low. We go to church in order to become the church. Jesus’ design for the church was for every member to be the presence of Jesus’ kingdom where they live, work, learn, and play.
To accomplish this, you must move from being dependent on a local congregation (I go to church) to being interdependent with your church and other church leaders (I am the church). To do this, you must become dependent solely on Jesus and His Spirit.
What Will You Do?
My final challenge for you at the end of this short series is to pick one of the shifts above and make it your biggest personal rock for the next six months. Which one has your name on it? What will you do about it? With whom will you share your goals?
You were created for intimacy and influence. Looking for intimacy and influence in ungodly ways leads to ruin. Partnering with Jesus to develop intimacy and influence leads to His Fully Alive life. Your goals today will lead to a more Fully Alive life tomorrow, so make your commitments today.