The Two Things You Crave the Most: Part 1

Intimacy and Influence - Part 1

By Brian Phipps

Two questions started haunting me in my middle school years. I couldn’t put words to them at the time, but in those tender years of emotional and physical development, these two questions influenced my feelings and behavior more than anything else.

Question 1:  Will people like me?

Question 2:  Will I ever be good at something?

I didn’t like the answers my young mind perceived in those early years. I was the shortest. I was the chunkiest. I got picked last at recess. People didn’t even notice me… how would they ever like me or think I was good at something?

One of the strangest memories I have from that time is daydreaming of my funeral.  In this daydream, which I had in the middle of class one afternoon, I pictured my classmates mourning the fact that they missed the chance to know me when I was still alive. They were wailing around my casket. I interpret this daydream to have been a silent cry to be noticed and valued. I was aching on the inside, and I wanted to punish my classmates for not satisfying my hunger to be loved and valued. 

I didn’t know why I had those longings, but, at the time, I was sure of at least one thing. I would probably never enjoy a life where those longings were met. 

Before continuing with the story, let me ask you to reflect on a couple of questions:

Did you need people to like you and value you when you were young? If so, how were those yearnings satisfied? How were they left unsatisfied? 

To make this more meaningful, let’s bring this into the present: Do you still need people to like you and value you? Are you satisfied with the answers you are receiving from those around you? 

Or, are there gaps in your heart because these longings have never been consistently satisfied?”

The Bigger Question For All of Us…

What do these haunting questions have to do with living Fully Alive with Jesus? 

On the surface, it may not seem like they have anything to do with the life of one who confidently follows in the way of Jesus. Afterall, Jesus was more interested in His mission than in having lots of friends. Jesus never showed off His abilities to impress people.  

Nevertheless, these haunting questions are relevant to living Fully Alive.

My desire for people to like me said a lot about my nature: I was created by God to love and be loved by people. I was created for godly Intimacy. That is why I longed to be liked!

My desire to discover what I was good at also told me a lot about my nature: I was created by God and gifted by God to join Jesus in making life on earth “as it is in heaven.” I have a role to play. I was created to have godly Influence in the world. That is why I wanted to discover what I was good at!

Created for Intimacy and Influence 

You were created for Intimacy and Influence as well. 

You are hard-wired to long for meaningful relationships. You are hard-wired to find the unique way you will leave the world better than you found it. Jesus came to help you find and develop both. And, equally important, He doesn’t want you to barely get by with them. He wants you to thrive with them. He wants you to live Fully Alive with them.

But… there is a problem. You’ve probably already guessed what it is. The longing for intimacy and influence are so strong that they can lead us to do some destructive things in order to fulfill them. 

In part two of this blog series, I will share how my longings for Intimacy and Influence actually caused more pain than fulfillment in my High School years. In the third and final blog of the series, I will share how that pain actually brought me to Jesus and how Jesus began to fill those voids.

Until then, I have a challenge for you. 

Will you take a few minutes to take a spiritual inventory of the impact these two questions have had in your life?

Question 1:  Will people like me?

Question 2:  Will I ever be good at something?

How have these two questions influenced your feelings and behavior since you were young? Even more importantly, how are these questions influencing you now? 

See this as an invitation to be honest with yourself and possibly with a trusted friend or loved one. Write them down. Share them with Jesus. Ask Him how you can begin to fulfill those yearnings through Him. 

Jesus was the epitome of living Fully Alive through Intimacy and Influence. Let’s partner with Him to do the same!