Developing Your 360° Support: Part 3
“Finding the Right Peers”
By Brian Phipps
How Do I Find the Best Peers To Walk With Me?
Peers share a similar phase of spiritual development as you. They have similar hopes and ambitions as well as similar challenges and limitations. Peers are not in front of you or behind you, but stand side by side with you in your pursuit of Jesu
It is with peers that you develop the art of personal accountability. Accountability is allowing at least two others to encourage you toward the Fully Alive life, to celebrate with you as you succeed, and to challenge you in areas where you need it. The best peers are ones with whom you can be 100% transparent and vulnerable, knowing they will only use that information to promote your growth.
If you have ever participated in one of our Influence Experiences such as Followers Made or Leaders Made, then you know what it is like to be in a triad. A triad is a group of at least three people who are put together as peers during that disciple-making journey. Thousands have experienced the benefit of having spiritual peers in these experiences... inspiring them to develop their own peers when the experience is over.
This begs two questions:
What makes a great peer?
What regular rhythms and disciplines should peers have to make the most of the relationship?
What Makes a Great Peer?
The best peers share three essential qualities with you: a strong chemistry, a strong desire for growth, and a strong commitment to confidentiality.
Having strong chemistry is another way of saying that it is really easy to get along. Similar personality styles and demographics, shared interests, and common life experiences help foster a strong chemistry. Healthy peer accountability is challenging to achieve, and strong chemistry helps pave the road toward it.
A strong desire for growth is necessary for meaningful peer accountability to evolve. Without a longing for growth, peers are simply friends or acquaintances. Peers certainly become the most meaningful and life-long friends, and the power behind that relationship is the shared desire to be more like Jesus in character and calling.
A strong commitment to confidentiality is critical for any peer relationship. 100% transparency is risky. Almost everyone shares 50% of their lives with a circle of friends. Many share 75%-80%. Very few people share the last 5% of their lives with others. Sadly, the biggest threats to living Fully Alive... the secret failures and debilitating shame and pain, reside within that last 5%. Having at least two peers that are aware of and supporting you through that last 5% minimizes the negative impact of those threats.
Two additional elements to consider as you look for peers are proximity and frequency. Is it possible to connect with these people face to face? Because 100% transparency is a challenge to achieve, and since body language is often a huge part of vulnerable communication, then ideally your connection would be live. Body language is challenging to read in virtual space. An effective frequency is at least bi-weekly. Life happens fast, and the more frequently you are together the easier it is to stay current with your “last 5%.”
What regular rhythms and disciplines should peers have to make the most of the relationship?
There are two life-giving habits peers can engage that will help take their interaction to the next level: engaging a mutual bible reading plan and regular goal setting with our MyImpact Assessment.
Engaging a Mutual Bible Reading Plan
The most life-giving habit peers can share is engaging a mutual bible reading plan. There are thousands of bible reading plans available online, or you can simply choose a book of the Bible to engage one section at a time. Engaging the Bible involves three practices: praying, reading, and journaling. For tips on developing a robust habit of bible engagement, click here!
Goal Setting with the MyImpact Assessment
The MyImpact Assessment measures your current progress in developing character and calling. We recommend taking the assessment at least every six months and sharing the results with your peers. There are two reasons for this.
First, your peers can give you helpful feedback on your results… affirming or challenging your self-perceptions. This is particularly valuable in getting as realistic of a snapshot as possible.
Second, your peers can help you determine two growth goals based on your results; one for character and the other for calling. The MyImpact Assessment will help you see the areas of character and calling that need the most development, and your peers can support you as you commit to those goals. Repeating this process every six month will lead to significant growth in a short period of time!
Choose Your Next Step
Now you know how to find and develop healthy rhythms with at least two peers. It is time to determine where you are in the process and prayerfully decide your next step. We all need peers to support, encourage, and challenge us, so blessings in finding yours!
Click here to view "It Takes A Village"