Growing in Intimacy: The Key to Thriving Leadership
As leaders, we know that relationships matter. But have you ever considered how deeply intimacy—real, meaningful connection—shapes your leadership and disciple-making? When our character grows, so does our capacity for intimacy. And when we step into our calling, our influence expands. When we experience growth in these two areas, we become more fully alive in Christ.
Dave Rhodes put it well: "It's not whether you have the heart for disciple-making and multiplication; it's whether or not you have the stomach for it." Let’s be honest—building deep relationships isn’t easy. It takes courage, trust, and intentionality. But when we lean in, we not only grow as leaders—we also create environments where others thrive.
Why Vulnerability Matters
One of the biggest roadblocks to intimacy is vulnerability. Many leaders wonder: Can I be real with those I lead? The truth is, without vulnerability, real relationships can’t happen—whether in the church, the workplace, or our personal lives.
Craig Watson put it this way: "We all have wounds, baggage, and struggles. We live in a fallen world. To release those things to Jesus, we must first be able to identify them, and that often requires someone we trust to walk alongside us." Vulnerability isn’t weakness—it’s the foundation of trust. As leaders, we must set the example by being open about our own struggles and growth.
The Trust Factor
Trust isn’t built overnight. It takes time, consistency, and intentionality. Brian Phipps points out a common struggle among church leaders: "There's a dynamic where leaders feel they have to be a perfect example. But when you live in isolation, trying to maintain an image, you have to fake it. And faking it leads to walls between who you actually are and who you present yourself to be."
This isn’t just a leadership challenge—it’s a human challenge. If we don’t have trusted relationships where we can be honest about our struggles, we risk burnout, isolation, or even failure. Jesus modeled something different. He had Peter, James, and John—the three within the twelve. His most intimate moments were shared with a small, trusted group. That’s a model we need to follow.
Creating Space for Growth
For intimacy to flourish, we need the right environment and the right pace. Vulnerability shouldn’t be rushed—it should be nurtured, like testing the water before diving into a pool. Brian Phipps describes it like this: "I want to share a little vulnerability and see how the other person responds. If they handle it with care, I can share more." This gradual approach fosters deep, lasting trust.
Modeling the Way Forward
Myra Schraeder reminds us that modeling is key: "If I don’t trust my disciple-making partners enough to be honest about my struggles, then I’m teaching them they shouldn’t either." People will follow what we model. If we build walls, they will too. If we create space for openness, they will experience transformation.
One of the best pieces of advice on this comes from Chris Brooks: "You gotta show your flank." That means leading with vulnerability. When leaders take that step, it sets the tone for a culture of trust, growth, and multiplication.
Your Next Step
Growing in intimacy isn’t just a nice idea—it’s essential for leadership. It’s what allows us to lead with authenticity, develop meaningful relationships, and multiply disciples effectively.
So, here’s the challenge:
Where can you take a step toward greater intimacy this week?
Who can you invite into deeper trust? Because when we do this well, we don’t just lead—we create a movement of disciple-makers who are fully alive.